REVENGE OF THE NERDS Annika, I long for that too A parental figure to serve Someone who could recognize the pain in me And validate my hurt Who could point me in a direction And say walk this way and you’ll be free That I’d have a home there among them in their little community I think back on a teenage friend who introduced me to Marilyn Manson In the darkest moments of high school It channeled our frustration He’d set up a poster of Britney She was the face of all that was wrong, the hierarchy we’d never be part of and then he brought out his airgun At a concert I met a punkgirl She just walked up and asked my name asked if I played any instruments she had a band that could barely play The band was mostly an excuse to wear leatherjackets and hang and go vandalize the swimsuit ads from H&M while I carried their spraycans The best song they ever wrote was called “Can’t Get Laid Cause We’re Too Ugly” But they never blamed anyone for that except Baywatch and Tutti Frutti I had kind of a crush on the punkgirl but she had a crush on my friend and despite my heart being punctured I delivered the message to him But it only made him offended he slammed the door to his room Her interest became an insult and confirmed what he thought he knew And he was furious, so furious at all the Britney’s that he couldn’t get I distanced myself when I saw what he'd written on the internet I re-watched Revenge of the Nerds Do you remember the speech ‘bout being different? How I cried when I saw that at 13 But do you remember the rape-scene? Cause I didn’t. Or how generally creepy the nerds are The plot could be re-summarized this way: Some athletes try to stop some sex criminals from assaulting their partners, but fail. I thought about this culture that gave me strength when I felt like a freak But also gave me an ulcer from an anger that I couldn’t speak That I had somehow been robbed of a right to love and sex that I deserved A feeling that the game was rigged Between alphamales and betanerds And then Isla Vista happened and the Toronto attack this spring And I read these incel threads they reminded me of something I checked my old friend on Facebook scared of what I would see But he just posted pics of his family in his profile pic he looked happy He had a photoalbum called “good times” with a photo where we try to look evil in shirts that said, “How does it feel to be one of the beautiful people?”